On the eighth day of Christmas
My true love gave to me
Eight maids a-milking… While you might be open to having an extra hand (or sixteen) around the house, unless your maids can do more than just milk, they’re not much good. Do you even have a single cow? Didn’t think so. To keep eight maids busy, you’d need a small herd of healthy milkers. Plus, you probably wouldn’t even be able to drink the milk yourself unless you sent it to the plant to be pasteurized and homogenized. Our delicate modern stomachs just aren’t suited to digest the real thing, straight from the cow, even if it does have a richer flavor.

I wonder if you could trade in the eight maids for a new pair of go-anywhere boots? I’m thinking of the 6-pack by Kenneth Cole, shown above. These killer punk-chic boots feature military-inspired buttons running along the outside. They’re so versatile, I bet they could go straight from milking the cow to convincing the board of directors. Tuck them under jeans for a secret sense of power. Or tuck your tight jeans into these boots and send the world the message that you’re strong, confident, and stylish.