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July 18th, 2007

When will clothes catch up?

Sit back and relax, because this week’s edition of "In Jamie’s Shoes" is a bit of a story. So get comfortable and poor yourself a tall glass of Sauvignon Blanc (unless of course it’s still the morning and you’re at work).  Moving on …

The story starts as a perfect Christmas in July. One hot summer afternoon I arrived home after
a long day in the frozen tundra of an air-conditioned office to find two
packages on my front porch. “Yippee! My clothes have
arrived!” I bounded joyfully into my
home and immediately began tearing into my self-provided gifts, for what was in
these packages I had searched many hours and waited several days for.

Package #1:

Summer coats are a necessity. Not only are they fun
and complete any summer outfit, they also give you comfort by calming cool
nighttime breezes to just a wisp in your hair instead of a chill on your bare
shoulders. Of course the summer coat
needs to be light in fabric, and flirtatious flattery is
summer’s theme. I had found the perfect bone-colored coat, fitted through the
torso with a low-dipping neckline revealing the bronzed summer skin
beneath. It was classic, timeless and
beautiful and I had just received the abstract online vision in my tangible
world.

Ripping into the contents I sighed as I held the coveted
coat, smelled its new clothes scent, undid the delicate buttons and
carefully slid the coat onto my body. The coat fit like a dream. It was
slim at my waist, creating curves at my hips and bosom. I raised my arms in the triumph of a satisfying online purchase when my victory stance was brought to an abrupt end. I couldn’t raise my arms above the height of
my chest. Why? Because I am an athletic girl who can carry
her own weight while walking on her hands, which in turn, has created shoulders and biceps, not usual for a petite woman. This is not to say that I have the arms and shoulders of a Chicago Bears lineman; instead, they are simply athletic. Can’t an athletic
woman be girly?

My story doesn’t stop here…

 

Package #2:

Now, this story begins back in May—just before the
transition from the cooling winds of spring to the hot, sunny days of summer. With sundresses on the mind, our
little shopping heroine, me, was online looking for the perfect summer dress. Dreaming about all the vacationing that would
accompany the summer dress, I needed to be mindful of the pocket book as well
as the needed look. Lo and behold, I stumbled upon an adorable little white
dress which made me think of a sexy new modern Mrs. Cleaver. The dress was revealing,
alluring, and left a bit of mystery as to what lies beneath—all this while still holding all
its class for under $50. “Perfect! With only a few clicks the bundle of beauty will arrive on my
doorstep before the weeks end! Oh online shopping
is almost too easy!” Of course this little number was on back order so the
anxious little shopper had to wait for over a month after the initial thrill of
making a sought-after purchase. So anti-climactic, isn’t it?

After the first disappointing Christmas gift, I knew this
one would be much better. There was no
way it wouldn’t fit across my shoulders as the dress was sleeveless. Situation narrowly averted, or so I
thought. Although the dress was
“sleeveless” the sleeveless-ness did crest just a bit over the shoulder, enough
for the stinking dress not to fit; I couldn’t even zip up the back past at
start of my shoulder blades. Don’t
worry, I only shed a few tears after the resounding distress of the day. Yes, this Christmas in July was surely less
than stellar.

This is what I don’t understand; being fit and in shape
is a huge business which directly accompanies the fashion industry. From Jessica Biel’s rear to Angela Bassette’s
arms, being athletic is fashionable. I
am just wondering when the clothes are going to catch up?

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