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May 2nd, 2007

Back to Plastic

Back to Plastics! I am not talking about what grocery bag to choose, I am talking about shoes.  Perusing through my latest fashion magazines I could not help but notice that this Spring’s couture shoes are clear.  The shoes that range from $298 to $890 are plastic…Clear Plastic.  Well, if you want to get "hoity toity" we can call them ‘acrylic’ or ‘lucite,’ which are just glorified words for different forms of clear plastic – ahem, plastic. 

What’s with the see through plastic shoes?  Don’t we wear shoes to cover up those little things that although are vital and give us balance in so many senses of the word, are not always the prettiest?  I mean, we treat them like hell!  We stuff them into tiny pointed contraptions that are reminiscent of the days of foot binding. We then walk all over town in these contraptions with all our weight crammed into the jarring toe of the shoe, which is supported only by the littlest surface area possibly imaginable under our heels.  At this point we don’t relax when we walk through the urban streets.  No, instead we are conscious of our every step making sure to avoid the dreaded cracks in the sidewalk for the eminent and embarrassing ankle roll, which we try to cover up as part of our womanly cool swagger. Yes, the hellish treatment does not stop at our feet, but travels up our legs to our ankles and knees. 

We eventually kick off the painful objects, which we bought with the lame excuses of: "well, the leather will soften," or "they are so cute I can’t bear to leave them in the store," or my favorite excuse of all time, "I am sure they will be comfortable once my feet adjust to them."  Where is the wonderfully honest shoe sales person that at this point will call out to you and say: “Honey!  Baby! Your feet don’t adjust!  The shoes simply don’t fit!” It’s like because we are women and we go
through the whole pregnancy thing when our hips and bellies literally change,
metamorphous in front of our eyes allowing us to bear children that this will
simply and naturally happen in our feet allowing us to fit into the beloved
shoe for the moment. Next season, I
swear my feet will adjust again.

So, through this drawn out hell we put our poor little
ladies through, our feet tend to get a bit beaten up. This brings me back to the beginning of the
article. Don’t we wear shoes to cover that which gives us balance that might
not be the most luxurious looking of body parts? So what’s with the expensive clear
plastic? Sure, sure, what about sandals? Sandals are generally worn in the warmer
months, right? Well, except for strappy sandals which goes perfectly with your little black dress that you
only get to wear at weddings: ironically, this always seem to happen in the winter. There are always exceptions.

Getting back to the sandals in the warmer months; we wear
them so our feet don’t get hot among other reasons. Um, if I wear solid plastic shoes in the
middle of the hot months, don’t you think that will just be a mobile sauna for
my twin ladies? Don’t you think that
the set of expensive plastic shoes will just reek in the most rancid of ways
within a few trial runs through town? I
mean, this is just a guess, correct me if you think differently. That being said, you are basically throwing
down hundreds of dollars for a pair of shoes that you will probably get to
wear once before your dog chews them up due to their um, lovely smell which
pervades the doggy’s most wonderful of dreams. I don’t know about you, but I think I am going to stick with my opaque
shoes in the winter and my sandals in the summer. Sorry dog, you will just have to stick with
your bones.

With today’s
topic of conversation being plastic shoes, I just couldn’t help but reminisce
about the good ol’ days of Jelly shoes, or what we lovingly called them in
the Midwest, ‘Jellies’. Lo and behold, Shoefly has just the jelly
fix! Enjoy the summer and all the synthetics
that come with it!


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