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April 25th, 2007

Not One With the Bermuda’s

I am just not one with the Bermuda shorts.  There was initially a bit of skepticism at the thought of donning the Bermuda shorts once again in my lifetime.  The thought alone made me drift back to the fifth grade days when they were decorated with huge Hawaiian flowers and pastel colors.  Yeah, that is enough to make anyone run the other direction.  I mean, it is one thing for the boys in their board shorts to be running around the beach in similar style, but for a grown woman to be walking around town, going from professional office to happy hour pub, well, it just seems, how can I say this, wrong.  Of course with the revert of any style comes some sort of modern twist.  The Bermuda shorts we are seeing today range from pocket-less solid linens to plaid with big buttons on the cuffs, a far fetch from the aforementioned style of the 80’s.  And in actuality, I am looking for a pair of brown accented plaid shorts to rock with my “Hip” Gee WaWa’s in the spring to summer months.  So, with the Bermuda’s lining the racks at all my favorite department stores, I said “what the hell!”  Off to the fitting room I go with more Bermuda’s draped on my arm then I could possibly imagine.

 

After 15 minutes of trying on this onslaught of one style, I walked out with…. a pair of jeans.  Yep, just the thing I was looking for as we turn into the warmer days of the year.  Excuse me while I pull a Borat….ahem….NOT!  This is when this entry turns into a lesson on body type and flattery, for what may look stunning on one can simply look like a cruel joke on another.  If you remember from my past chunky sweater entry, I am a shorty with a tail.  When one carries around a trunk, or what Monica so lovingly refers to as a ‘ba dunk a dunk,’ that well-endowed loveliness is usually accompanied with complimentary thighs.  So here I am, trying on slim fitting Bermuda shorts that hit me right above my knee, (actually considering my vertically challenged stature, they hit in the middle of my knee making them look THAT much better!  Again…NOT!), making my legs look like imitation stubs and my bunda not nearly as round nor as flattering as it could be.  My tushe actually looked like a slope totally lacking its fullness.  I am sorry, but a booty should be neither transformed nor hidden, and with a back like mine I would be hard pressed to actually succeed in its hiding. 

Now, I was with my girlfriend while foraging about town for the plaid shorts I set out to find and she did give me some good advice on how to work the Bermuda’s; just wear some stilettos’ with them.  That way my oh so long legs will look that much more lengthy and it will also give my butt a little lift.  This actually makes sense, so I tried.  Yet still, I am just not one with the Bermuda’s.  Needless to say, I am still looking for a pair of brown plaid shorts.  I hope I find them before fall.

 

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